Deadline Day

My doctor's appointment isn't until Wednesday and I'm still suffering from the effects of Saturday. I got a call from my sister at near 10:00 pm, asking me if she should register me for the triathlon.

I told her no.

I also told her that it didn't mean I wouldn't do it (yet), but that there were two pieces to this. 1) I really need the motivation to come from myself, and not from any sense of "owing" her. 2) I honestly don't know if my back can handle this and need more time to figure it out.

I spent a lot of time today trying to figure out what I've accomplished, learned, and/or achieved in the last couple of weeks.

GOOD: Am getting better about writing something every day (or at least about every day if I don't get to posting it immediately).

BAD: I honestly feel no appreciable difference in my endurance--and since I can't really get to a point where I get my heart rate up, I'm honestly not even training it.

GOOD: I'm hauling my sorry butt to the gym much more frequently.

BAD: My back hurts worse than when I started.

GOOD: I got new shoes!

BAD: I'm digging into my painkillers more often. I am severely paranoid of becoming one of those people addicted to prescription pain medication. I nearly had a meltdown when I had to take a full dose and then a half dose in the same day (even though the total is only half of my daily prescription) and this was the day after I took a full dose already. They make me stupid and I tend to carry on and on more. Did I mention I had to take one today?

GOOD: My husband is happy that I'm going to the gym.

BAD: I hope it's not just because I'm out of the house and thus not asking him for money for something.

GOOD: I'm TRYING to do something differently.

I was going to try and counter that with another "bad" point, but honestly more "good" is coming out of this (aside the back pain).

My sister, disappointed that I wasn't registering for the triathlon, offered some suggestions, including the elliptical machine at the gym.

So tonight when I went, I tried out two different elliptical machines. First, I would just like to say that I felt completely uncoordinated and retarded in getting the dumb thing moving. The first one (and she had warned me this might happen) I hated. I ignored that it hurt, but I hated it so much that I decided it would be counter-productive to continue since it would just serve to discourage me. The second, I didn't hate. However, it did still hurt my back. Hurt so much that it made the treadmill seem pleasant.

So I decided I'd rather spend my workout time on something pleasant and went to the...treadmill instead. I'd already pushed my tolerance on my back, so I kept it to my 2MPH walk pace (hello, heart rate 97), and then went on the recumbent bike for awhile.

Of course I went to the hot tub afterward. What's the point of going to the gym if not to use the hot tub? Plus, I do believe it helps to relax my back after the workout. Perhaps that's just an excuse, but it's an excuse that helps motivate me.