Loss of Focus

I've had a hard time lately focusing on my goals and staying motivated. Knowing that I need a solid something in front of me, I've been regularly logging on to the web site for Catalina--and registration is not available.

I finally got through on a phone call today. Apparently the company that puts on the event is having problems obtaining the permits necessary. So things are kind of up in the air. A different web site announced that a different company will be putting on the triathlon, but that company has no information about any triathlon on Catalina at all.

I called my sister to let her know and she immediately told me I should sign up for an Olympic distance one that she's doing in October. I would, except for one tiny little detail. I absolutely do not want to run a 10K.

Maybe this is where one of my problems is. I don't know if it's that I need to demand more of myself or if I really just recognize my limits. I could probably run a 10K, but it is so completely unappealing to me.

Kind of like my 10 year high school reunion (which was 9 years ago now). Hang on, I'll get to how it's similar. I hated high school. Hated. Hated. Hated. I had a few close friends and I was involved in activities I loved, but the rest of the experience pretty much sucked. At some point I pissed off someone enough that I actually received hate mail at the school newspaper. More than once. Most of my close friends had already graduated, so I spent time with them. So, when I got the reunion information, I glanced through, curious. It was $65 for a dinner evening.

At the time, I was in massage school. I was operating on a fairly tight budget. I talked it over with my roommate. She actually didn't encourage me to go. After some (okay, very little) time thinking about it, I decided I wouldn't be going. Why? Because I hated high school. I had little cash to spare, and if I had $65, I'd spend it on something I actually wanted to do, as opposed to reminiscing about the worst time of my life with people I hoped I'd never see again.

As for a 10K? I think I'd rather spend the extra effort riding 100 miles on my bike in a 1-day event or building back up to a 3K swim. I think running has some healthy benefits for me, but there's only so much my knees, feet, and back will take and I just don't know if I'm up for that much distance.

Although it is a good excuse to buy more cool running shoes. But not good enough.